You don’t get used to people questioning if you live in a certain building or a security guard following you around the store in other countries, or when you are costume shopping for your circus act, store clerks constantly asking if you are finished looking so that you can leave, only to ask you if you want a private viewing once you mention which popular circus show you are working with in the country. You don’t get used to hearing the N word backstage, only to be told that they don’t think that way about you because you are a different kind. Or when companies request European looking only performers for contracts and events. Leaving you out of a considerable amount of offers. Or when you are told by artistic directors that you are not really the right look for the job you’ve been booked for, always wondering if they know you’ve heard those code words throughout your career. You don’t get used to commercial agents questioning if you are really biracial because you are darker than they expect a biracial person to be, someone with mixed European heritage. Or when a client that has hired you tells you that you are lucky you are not that dark as a compliment.